The “HOW” and “WHO” of Building Relationships
I think we can all agree that the ability to build relationships is an important skill for leaders. The question becomes, how do you build them and with whom?
Let's start with the "HOW" of building relationships. When people interact with you they need two things, what they came for (item, answer, information, etc.) and to feel good about the interaction (welcome, heard, understood, etc.). Both of these are important to building effective relationships. The first part should be pretty clear, people need good information from leadership. It's the second part where many leaders fall short. We will focus on this aspect.
It doesn't matter who you interact with, you should treat everyone the same, as a person. Not as their occupation, job, task or result. To do this you must take an interest in them, ask questions, listen, and learn about who they are and what they do outside of work. This isn't additive work, it is the work. When people feel good about interacting with you, they will want to work with you again. Make doing business with you easy and pleasant.
The "HOW" of building relationships:
If you do nothing else, smile
Know their name and use it
Slow down your pace
Show you are listening
Be empathetic / validate them
Know something personal about them and refer to it
Be genuine and grateful
Practice transparency
When it comes to building relationships, the bottom line is to make sure you are meeting both needs - what they came to you for as well as their need to feel good about the interaction. Feeling good about the interaction is what makes people want to work with you and that will create the foundation for the relationship. It is much easier to get things done when people want to work with you.
Now let's focus on the "WHO" of building relationships. Consider this as you would a stakeholder analysis. You will want to think of all the people that are impacted by your work, those who have an influence over it, or have an interest in the successful or unsuccessful results of your work. You can do this as a brainstorming activity, you may even want to involve your team. You can use a format similar to the table below to document the names.
The "WHO" of building relationships:
As a leader, building relationships within your organization should be a priority. Start with your own team and expand to include all the people you identified. Know that people are the center of all leadership efforts. Leaders cannot lead unless they understand the people they are leading. To be effective, you must value people for who they are. To be effective, you must build relationships.
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